David L Chilcote II, MSW, Co-Founder and EVP
June 13, 2008
***
Resumes are designed to tell a story…a very important story; the story of your life.  A resume is perhaps the most important story ever reduced to paper for most people.  Many lives can be affected by a person’s resume and for that reason alone, they should be the most proof-read article printed.  A resume will make or break the possibility of a job interview.  Over the course of my life as a recruiter, I have amassed some of the most humorous mistakes I’ve seen in actual resumes. 
The following words have NOT been altered in any way, shape or form.  What you see is what I saw when I opened the resume on my computer in an attempt to decide whether or not this candidate should be shown to my client for a current job opening.  Keep in mind that I only open resumes that originally caught my eye and led me to believe I might make a placement with this particular candidate.  Unfortunately each of these blunders caused me to reconsider.  I hope you enjoy.
 
RESUME TITLES:
                Transition To Creatativity
                Executive Assistant to the Director fo Operations
JOB TITLES:
industrious Addministative
Director of Qulaity and Risk Management
                Motivational Speaker/ Personal Succsess Coach/Volenteer
                Monk and Auto Mechanic
                I was convicted on a felony gun violation
                Marketing and Clinical Lesion
                Thysical Therapist Aide
                Porperty Manager
                Securaty Gard
                license pratical nurse
 
EMPLOYERS:
                Covad Comminications
APPLICABLE SKILLS:
                Educted in all areas of fitness
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
                Studied Buddhism Meditation and repaired vehicles and other equipment
                COORDINATIN SHIPING SCHEDULES
                I am the soul physical therapist in a small but busy agency.”
CAREER HISTORIES:
                BIRTHDAY 03/29/74
MY RESTURANT EXP.INCLUDES MCDONALDS;OFF AND ON 11/91 THRU 12/95 I WAS OFFERED MANAGEMENT BUT DECLINED CAUSE OF FAMILY RESPOSEBILITY AT THAT TIME.
PIZZA HUT;02/97 THRU 06/02. STARTED AS SERVER ENDED AS MANAGER.AT BOTH OF THESE JOBS I COOKED CLEANED SUPERVISED OR RAN SHIFTS.

ALSO AS WITH ANY RESTURANT JOB I HAVE EXP. IN CUSTERMER SERVICE. I HAVE EXP.
WITH OTHER RESTURANTS SUCH AS ITALIAN PIE, BEAUREGARDS,TACO BELL,WENDYS BOBBY
G'S TWO OFF THESE HAD BARS.
THE REST OF MY WORK EXP. IS MANUFACTURIN JOBS 12 HOUR SHIFTS THIRD SHIFT FIRST SHIFT.WITH CARPET AND CAR MANUFACTURIN.
I WORK HARD, I AM A PRIZE EMPLOYEE! USUALLY LEARN FAST,WORK WELL WITH OTHERS,I AM
AVAILABLE ANYTIME AND VERY DEPENDABLE, I AM DIVORCED,MY CHILDREN ARE OLD ENOUGH
AND CURRENTLY RESIDE WITH THEIR FATHER AN HIS WIFE.
MISCELLANEOUS:
On my spear time, I work with kids at home, and read Newspapers and Novels.
If you are willing to share, I would also like to receive your tool.
Have you ever been arrested? “Yes.”   Please Describe:  “Mr. Meanor”
EXPERIENCE:
                6/2006 – 1/2007 Video Game Player
I will continue to gather mistakes and print them periodically in hopes of bringing some levity to your days.  Please remember: proof read and re-read those resumes!
 
 
Copyright, 2008
QuietHire.com, Inc.
David L. Chilcote II, Author
All Rights Reserved.
No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without the advance written permission of the author.